soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
