remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
