she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
