TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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