Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
