Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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