I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my liver is dry heaving
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
