not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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