He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
