Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
