I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
