don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
