so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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