i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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