I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
