i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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