dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
