my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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