Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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