He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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