fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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