Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
