i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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