i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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