Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize