The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize