You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
