I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
