You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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