I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
