i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
