is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
