im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He felt like a one man threesome
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't deserve a penis
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
