Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
