I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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