The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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