I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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