You just made me feel so damn special
I am in a vortex of obligation.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
