Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
