Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize