I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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