I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
