I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Text me some of your sweat
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