This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
