you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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