my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
