Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
