me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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