honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
