all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
