Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
