was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
