Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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