dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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