It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
