in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize