Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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