Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
