i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
