the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
