After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
