I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
