U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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