Porn is love you can see.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and she was petting her beer can
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
