Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
