So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
