Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
