Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
