I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize