dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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