Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
